Friday, August 22, 2008


We have a projector in our conference room. We also have a podium where you stand when you talk. The podium has built-in controls for the projector.

Now I know you're nervous about speaking. That's understandable. But why, WHY, can't you understand that to turn the projector on, you press the ON button under the word PROJECTOR?

You can mash on the buttons that switch it from VCR to DVD player to Computer to Laptop to Microscope to Your-ass-or-a-hole-in-the-ground but the projector will NOT work until you press the ON button and the projector starts producing light!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Quote of the day

"Well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?"
"No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks."


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I love microwaves.

Nothing else in the world can make organic material fly through the air without even touching it.

I mean, come on! Stuff can be just laying on a plate in this humming little box and all of a sudden it just rockets into the air and we don't even think twice about that. Thats something crazy right there!

Monday, August 04, 2008


Sometimes it's the small things that give you the most satisfaction. Take this for instance:

Walking from the parking deck to work for me is a 4 (city) block walk. It takes about 8 minutes. So when nearly one whole half of the street you walk down every day is closed for construction, you take the other side of the street for granted. "This side will always be perfect," you tell yourself. It would be moronic for them to even think about touching it.

Then someone then proceeds to jack up the OTHER side of the street, you get miffed. This was how the intersection was before said jack-up:

So symmetrical.

Then these idiots went a redid the curb and for some reason left us with this hilarity:

Why?? Why can't the sidewalk line up anymore? It was fine for years? Was there some underground reason? Or was someone just being a lazy ass-clown. Notice how they didn't even bother to scrape away the old crosswalk lines fully.

Well I wasn't going to stand for it. I decided to walk in my normal and SANE straight line. I wasn't going to walk in their goofy maze of a sidewalk. Fortunately, other rebels like me also followed suit. Within a week it looked like this:

Notice all that glorious, defiant mud from other disgruntled commuters like myself. Oh they tried to plant grass again. But we didn't let it take root! Oh no! We stomped that fledgelings grass back into the earth.

A stalemate ensued. When the weather was dry, we danced on that dirt. When it was wet,....well, we used the sidewalk 'cause who wants to walk into work with an inch of mud on their shoes.

But today victory was ours. As I walked in today I saw this:

The refused to lay concrete, opting for a few large stepping stones instead. They are probably hoping we'll all trip on them. But I claim victory anyway! Take that univerisy construction people! Muhahaha!